Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
