I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This show inspires me to have sex in space
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's shark week go big or go home
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
