is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
