even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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