the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
