I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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