she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
