Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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