This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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