Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
