The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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