Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
