my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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