I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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