Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
