yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Are my feet made of real feet?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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