I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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