pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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