I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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