Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
