I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
