no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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