Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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