I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
