Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...