Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.