Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm