i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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