That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
