I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize