i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
