Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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