dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
