So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
