dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
