You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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