Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
