if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
