i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
