Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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