your thong is hanging out like whoa
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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