She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
