I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
