Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
