I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
home. puking in laundry basket.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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