I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
