Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She's the barista slut.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
