Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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