I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
