Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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