well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My penis needs a shock collar
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
