Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
