I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
barbara walters just said penis...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
