He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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