Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
