I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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