I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Randomize
