I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
