I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
