If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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