"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
