he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
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I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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