please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
