do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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